Herb Bread sort-of-recipe
Okay, here's the recipe for the white bread that I put in my bread machine. I'm sure if you mix these ingredients by hand it will turn out just fine as well.
1 cup water
2 tablespoons oil
1 tablespoons sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
3 3/4 cups white flour
1 1/2 teaspoons yeast
So, either wait till your machine gives you the 'add ingredients' beep or if you're doing this by hand you can put in a combination of any (or all) of these herbs:
basil, summer savory, thyme, rosemary, italian seasoning, dill seed (or dill weed), cilantro, herb de provence, caraway seed
...and whatever herb you have handy!!
this makes a 1.5 lb loaf.
Yummmmm!
Just barely hanging on.
Sounds trite, but it's true.
I'm barely hanging on here. I'm 100 lbs overweight, I'm in constant pain, and any attempts to lower my calorie intake, exercise, ANYTHING to change the way I am now has resulted in a snowball effect: I GAIN weight, my body is rebelling, and I sink deeper into a depression that no one seems to be catching.
Look, I'm not asking for sympathy okay? I told everyone when I started this blog again that I wasn't promising witty repartes and funny stories. This is where I'm at now and I'm doing this to purge myself of it so I can move on...or at least try.
And on top of all that, I know in my heart that working two jobs is just an express lane to the hospital. I took off sick to work today hoping to get in to see my doctor, but due to her just getting out of surgery herself, I can't get in to see her for two weeks, and to be perfectly honest, I don't think I'm a priority enough to go to Emerg. There are far more sick people out there. I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't.
I'm just...tired. Just tired.
Another nail in. the coffin
Now I've got 'Another Brick in the Wall' stuck in my head. But I digress early on...
Hubby has received his termination of benefits registered letter. In other words, our $300 a month medical bill is going to hit us really hard starting next month (Hubby went out and got Peej a month's worth of his prescription yesterday).
He also found out that his department is empty. Gone. No machines. ie, he hasn't a job to go back to even if they call him back. They never intended this to be a 'temporary layoff', which, truth be told, was something we suspected all along.
So he's forming a letter, demanding what he is due. To the tune of some forty grand. 3 weeks for every year he worked, eight weeks in lieu of notice (cuz we ALL know proper notice hasn't been forthcoming of late right?) and the remainder of his vacation pay.
Dear Readers (all two of you), please pray to whatever God or Goddess you deem necessary that this whole thing is resolved for good very very very soon, and in our favour, if you please. Forty grand doesn't seem like a lot of money, but it will pay off every single one of our debts, keep us housed, clothed and fed for at least the next six months without Hubby having to work full time (and me having to work two full-time jobs), plus for the first time in 14 years of marriage, a little money to soak away for something: the kids' education (Peej is leaving for college in two years), a real honeymoon...SOMETHING other than living day to day wondering if we're going to have heat one day, decent food the next.
*sigh* Sometimes I wish I would wake up and this whole mess would be just a bad dream I could wake up from.
One of the scariest five minutes of my life
I just have to have this written down, so every once in awhile, I can go back and remember. Because I have to. Because I don't want to forget.
I love my husband. Everyone knows this. What not everyone knows is that I think I would die myself should he expire before me. He and my children are literally the only reasons I get up in the morning. Every morning.
Yesterday morning, very early, about 4 a.m. I awoke to Hubby stumbling out of bed. He was heading to the bathroom and I made the big mistake of rolling over and going right back to sleep. What seemed a long time later (but was in fact only a few seconds), there was a resounding crash. I launched myself out of bed, more startled at that point than anything else. My first words were "jaysus krist", and then "Babe, you okay?"...
...silence...
"Babe?" I got out of bed, and sauntered over to the bathroom door. "Babe? Aw, you sick?"
...more silence...
I tried to very gently open the door, so as to not embarass him should the poor man be 'praying to the Porcelain God', so to speak. He'd only had a couple beers when he came home, so I was pretty sure he wasn't drunk, but hey, you never know. As I pushed on the door, my first thought was 'oh okay, he's locked the door', but then it dawned on me, the doorknob had
turned. The door wasn't locked but the door
was not moving.
Panic.
"Babe....
BABE!!!...JIM-MY!!!At that moment my first thought was 'PLEASE GODS don't take him from me now', and then my next thought was, 'get your fucking ass into your robe and call 911 or you're going to lose him!!'
I ran to my bedroom door, threw on my robe, and ran right back to the bathroom door, gently pushing on the door to try to either dislodge Jim from the door (he'd passed out at the entryway, effectively wedging the door closed with his body), or get my hand in the door enough to try and get a hold of him in order to dislodge him from the door.
This honestly must have taken all of three or four minutes, tops, but it felt like a fucking YEAR. I had really almost decided to just run for the phone when Jim finally came to.
It was right after he moaned and I felt the door give way to my pushing that I realized I hadn't taken a breath in a very long time. I actually felt dizzy, but whether it was from relief or lack of oxygen I can't be sure. I opened the door and he was very gingerly hurling himself up off the floor and onto the toilet.
He stayed there for a good twenty minutes and I hovered by the door the whole time. Long story sho...well, okay long story made LONGER *sigh*, he thinks the reason he passed out was because he wasn't feeling well to begin with (I still say it was food poisoning from food he ate the day before) and had gotten up too quickly.
Throughout this whole ordeal, my main thought was "what if he doesn't make it? What if we lose him...what if *I* lose him?"
Needless to say, my thoughts on everything changed in those few moments. I will be rethinking my life as I know it. I do not want to regret not doing, not sharing, not being. Life is too short.
And once again, my thoughts are getting jumbled and I'm no longer making sense to myself, and I suspect, to anyone reading this.
Jim's okay. I'm okay. The kids are okay. I'm going to see to it that it stays that way. Period.
the big '10'
Happy Birthday to my beautiful daughter, who we will refer to in this blog as the B-grrl, The Bear, or just plain 'B'.
I cannot believe that it's been 10 years since she was born. Genetically, she was never supposed to exist, and here we are 10 years later, and she is the brightest star in our sky, the happiest little girl that ever graced our lives. We love you, sweet girl. May all your birthdays be bright and happy and cradled in the Goddess' devoted arms!
THANK THE GODS!!!
Well the verdict is in... Hubby got his pogey the other day and at the very least we should be somewhat most of the way out of the ginormous financial hole. He will get almost 3/4 of his salary through EI. *BIG sigh of relieft* Between that, Pizza Squared, and me working two jobs (at least for the foreseeable future), we will be just fine.
And now I hear through the grapevine that Z*m*x might be taken over, and Hubby will be back to work there in 13 weeks... or at least they'll call him back. Don't know if all of this that has happened hasn't soured him just enough that he wouldn't say screw you cockroach and go on to something else, severance or no.
Well, that's the story for now.
I shouldn't open my big mouth...
Not only did I NOT get to sleep in yesterday, but I had to go into work because FIVE, count 'em FIVE people failed to show up for work yesterday morning. So on my paid day off, I dragged my sick ass into work for eight hours. *sigh*
The upside to this, is now I have a long weekend off, as the boss gave me Friday off in lieu of Monday. *bounce bounce bounce*
Still sick, but gradually feeling better. Got some actual sleep last night that didn't involve snoring and waking myself up all pasty-mouthed and crack-lipped.
Okies, that's it for now. Off to spend a few minutes alone with the Hubby before the kids get home :)
