Friday, January 30, 2009

Another nail in. the coffin

Now I've got 'Another Brick in the Wall' stuck in my head. But I digress early on...

Hubby has received his termination of benefits registered letter. In other words, our $300 a month medical bill is going to hit us really hard starting next month (Hubby went out and got Peej a month's worth of his prescription yesterday).

He also found out that his department is empty. Gone. No machines. ie, he hasn't a job to go back to even if they call him back. They never intended this to be a 'temporary layoff', which, truth be told, was something we suspected all along.

So he's forming a letter, demanding what he is due. To the tune of some forty grand. 3 weeks for every year he worked, eight weeks in lieu of notice (cuz we ALL know proper notice hasn't been forthcoming of late right?) and the remainder of his vacation pay.

Dear Readers (all two of you), please pray to whatever God or Goddess you deem necessary that this whole thing is resolved for good very very very soon, and in our favour, if you please. Forty grand doesn't seem like a lot of money, but it will pay off every single one of our debts, keep us housed, clothed and fed for at least the next six months without Hubby having to work full time (and me having to work two full-time jobs), plus for the first time in 14 years of marriage, a little money to soak away for something: the kids' education (Peej is leaving for college in two years), a real honeymoon...SOMETHING other than living day to day wondering if we're going to have heat one day, decent food the next.

*sigh* Sometimes I wish I would wake up and this whole mess would be just a bad dream I could wake up from.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

One of the scariest five minutes of my life

I just have to have this written down, so every once in awhile, I can go back and remember. Because I have to. Because I don't want to forget.

I love my husband. Everyone knows this. What not everyone knows is that I think I would die myself should he expire before me. He and my children are literally the only reasons I get up in the morning. Every morning.

Yesterday morning, very early, about 4 a.m. I awoke to Hubby stumbling out of bed. He was heading to the bathroom and I made the big mistake of rolling over and going right back to sleep. What seemed a long time later (but was in fact only a few seconds), there was a resounding crash. I launched myself out of bed, more startled at that point than anything else. My first words were "jaysus krist", and then "Babe, you okay?"...


"Babe?" I got out of bed, and sauntered over to the bathroom door. "Babe? Aw, you sick?"

...more silence...

I tried to very gently open the door, so as to not embarass him should the poor man be 'praying to the Porcelain God', so to speak. He'd only had a couple beers when he came home, so I was pretty sure he wasn't drunk, but hey, you never know. As I pushed on the door, my first thought was 'oh okay, he's locked the door', but then it dawned on me, the doorknob had turned. The door wasn't locked but the door was not moving.



At that moment my first thought was 'PLEASE GODS don't take him from me now', and then my next thought was, 'get your fucking ass into your robe and call 911 or you're going to lose him!!'

I ran to my bedroom door, threw on my robe, and ran right back to the bathroom door, gently pushing on the door to try to either dislodge Jim from the door (he'd passed out at the entryway, effectively wedging the door closed with his body), or get my hand in the door enough to try and get a hold of him in order to dislodge him from the door.

This honestly must have taken all of three or four minutes, tops, but it felt like a fucking YEAR. I had really almost decided to just run for the phone when Jim finally came to.

It was right after he moaned and I felt the door give way to my pushing that I realized I hadn't taken a breath in a very long time. I actually felt dizzy, but whether it was from relief or lack of oxygen I can't be sure. I opened the door and he was very gingerly hurling himself up off the floor and onto the toilet.

He stayed there for a good twenty minutes and I hovered by the door the whole time. Long story sho...well, okay long story made LONGER *sigh*, he thinks the reason he passed out was because he wasn't feeling well to begin with (I still say it was food poisoning from food he ate the day before) and had gotten up too quickly.

Throughout this whole ordeal, my main thought was "what if he doesn't make it? What if we lose him...what if *I* lose him?"

Needless to say, my thoughts on everything changed in those few moments. I will be rethinking my life as I know it. I do not want to regret not doing, not sharing, not being. Life is too short.

And once again, my thoughts are getting jumbled and I'm no longer making sense to myself, and I suspect, to anyone reading this.

Jim's okay. I'm okay. The kids are okay. I'm going to see to it that it stays that way. Period.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

the big '10'

Happy Birthday to my beautiful daughter, who we will refer to in this blog as the B-grrl, The Bear, or just plain 'B'.

I cannot believe that it's been 10 years since she was born. Genetically, she was never supposed to exist, and here we are 10 years later, and she is the brightest star in our sky, the happiest little girl that ever graced our lives. We love you, sweet girl. May all your birthdays be bright and happy and cradled in the Goddess' devoted arms!

Thursday, January 15, 2009


Well the verdict is in... Hubby got his pogey the other day and at the very least we should be somewhat most of the way out of the ginormous financial hole. He will get almost 3/4 of his salary through EI. *BIG sigh of relieft* Between that, Pizza Squared, and me working two jobs (at least for the foreseeable future), we will be just fine.

And now I hear through the grapevine that Z*m*x might be taken over, and Hubby will be back to work there in 13 weeks... or at least they'll call him back. Don't know if all of this that has happened hasn't soured him just enough that he wouldn't say screw you cockroach and go on to something else, severance or no.

Well, that's the story for now.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I shouldn't open my big mouth...

Not only did I NOT get to sleep in yesterday, but I had to go into work because FIVE, count 'em FIVE people failed to show up for work yesterday morning. So on my paid day off, I dragged my sick ass into work for eight hours. *sigh*

The upside to this, is now I have a long weekend off, as the boss gave me Friday off in lieu of Monday. *bounce bounce bounce*

Still sick, but gradually feeling better. Got some actual sleep last night that didn't involve snoring and waking myself up all pasty-mouthed and crack-lipped.

Okies, that's it for now. Off to spend a few minutes alone with the Hubby before the kids get home :)

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Still sick, still tired...

Going into town tomorrow sometime to sign papers for the new job... can't wait!!! For four to six weeks I won't be getting up at no 4:45!! 6:30/7:00 at the earliest :) :) That makes me a happy girl :)

Nothing else new... but I'm determined to keep this up, even if I have virtually nothing to say!!

Saturday, January 10, 2009

'Snot what you think...or maybe it is...

Still. sick. ugh.

That's the bad news. The good news is, is I get a paid day off on Monday for working New Year's Day. If I can get this sinus thing under control, I should be in fine form to work the next four days after that.

Let's hope, shall we?

Bring on the huge-fucking-Q. Only no Unisom this time. I think they counter-acted one another and I spent the better part of last night waking myself up with snoring. And really, the mouth-breathing and getting pasty-tongued and crack-lipped is getting a little old after only slightly more than 24 hours.

I call BULLSHIT! Time for this cold to take a flying leap off a very short pier!

Friday, January 09, 2009

And tired always followed sick...

I'm a little rusty on my patron Gods/Goddesses... does anyone know the patron/ess of sinus colds? Cuz if you do, I'd like you to tell me, so I can summon this raging beeotch and tell Him/Her what-for. I've watched everyone around me for the past two months get this horrid cold/flu/idiot-stick bug and I've remained sick-free. Until today. Fawck. So me, being the medicine-phobe that I am, is seriously considering doping myself up with huge-fucking-Q (NyQuil in case you're not a Dennis Leary fan) and possibly a Unisom to help me sleep through the night. I have to work all weekend and contrary to popular belief, sneezing and snobbering and trying to pull everyone else into my misery with me is NOT the best way to say "Welcome to T.H." :)

Quick update:

Yes, I was offline, off-phone for about three days. All be taken care of. J and I are struggling, but we WILL pull through thanks in a very big part to certain family members who refused to let us be stubborn.

Other than that, nothing much has changed.

Off to watch the season finale of Smallville season 4... Peej got Season Five last night *SQUEEEEAL*

Sunday, January 04, 2009

This waiting sucks...

Knowing that a final decision from the Zoo could change our lives drastically one way or the other is literally killing me. If they go one way, our prayers are answered. Even a week's pay for every year Hubby's been there would mean all our bills will be paid off and we can start afresh. If it goes the other way...well we're fucked. Plain and simple. Hubby's got NO experience anywhere else. He's been doing this almost half his life and more than 3/4 of his adult life. He has all these plans to pursue truck driving or maybe go back to school to learn another profession, and you know, I'd stand behind him 100% if it wasn't for the fact that we're STONE BROKE. In reality, we've been stone broke since day one of our marriage, but to be perfectly honest, it really hasn't mattered to much to me until now. I'm taking a second job at the end of the month, but will it really help? Hubby's EI will kick in at the end of the month or the beginning of February at the latest. Will we be able to dig ourselves out of this hole?

I honestly don't know, and I'm scared. Truly scared.

Saturday, January 03, 2009

Drowning in a sea of WHAT NEXT?!!!

Yes, it's me, I'm back. In black. Well navy actually.... well you get the point.

I said last time that I would try harder to blog more regularly and well, that fell through like a led zeppelin, obviously. So much has gone on in the past few months, and indeed, in the past few weeks, that I haven't thought much about this blog, but maybe this is the time when I should, eh?

Hubby was laid off exactly one week before Christmas. He's working full time right now, being paid under the table at the local Pizza Squared joint. It's good money, but it also means that we never see him. I work early morning to early afternoon, and he works early afternoon to late evening, sometimes early morning. *sigh* As if we haven't done this enough in our lives.

Okay, enough with the pity party. My life has been far from uninteresting. Starting the end of the month I'll be taking on a second job (cuz ya know, I just have WAY too much time on my hands *eye roll*) setting up a new GT Boutique store here in town (NOT the actual name, but those of you who know the chain, know what I'm talking about). Should be fun at any rate. And it pays decent. And there's an opportunity for it to become full time, and therefore, it's finally out of the food industry I go. Forever. Cuz ya know, sometimes enough's enough.

The kids are doing well. Peej got his first job working at a local farm equipment depot right around the corner from us. A bi-weekly paycheque has put a real grin on that gorgeous kid's face, lemme tell you. He's going to New York City with his band in the spring and he's proud as a peacock to be able to say that he can pay his own way. Chrisco is still struggling with school but with the help of Nana and Papa and Mrs. Z (my old spanish teacher!) I think he will end grade seven with a bang. B-grrl of course, is growing by the nanosecond. She's radiant, funny and SNOTTY. I can't begin to tell you that she's nearly 10...going on 30. I've already seen the evidence that she's a) boy crazy b) totally full of herself and c) a joy to have in my life, regardless.

Okies, I'm getting a little scrambled in my thoughts, so I'm going to close this for now and hopefully I won't forget this blog again any time soon. There's going to be lots of changes and hopefully I will have the energy and the inclination to document it.

I don't promise it will be witty, funny, or even remotely interesting, but it will be my life from my perspective and I will do my best. Don't abandon me now, dear followers!